20 Things I Am Learning About Pain and Suffering
My last post on the problem of pain and some of the needs that come with it was somewhat raw, but real. Here are a few things that I am learning – in no particularly significant order.
1. One of the greatest gifts we can give to folks having a difficult time is letting them know they are not alone. Never underestimate the gift of presence.
2. Having people around you who believe when all you can do is doubt, is priceless
3. The theological perspective of “you must have done something wrong to be going through what you’re going through” is flawed, twisted and a bunch of #%&@%#!
4. Just because a person is still holding on doesn’t mean they’ve never considered giving up.
5. It’s ok to question God, correct or argue with crazy responses from friends, and admit that you despair of life and sometimes despise the day you were born like Job did (eventually, I must write about that brother and his wife too).
6. When you are so angry that you don’t have anything to say to God, having praying people in your life helps. They pray for us when we can’t (and don’t want to) pray for ourselves.
7. Honesty is better than pretense.
8. Folks who claim that they have never been pissed off at God or wanted to give up could possibly be lying or maybe just need to live a while longer in order to find out that it is possible to get there.
9. When people are courageous enough to expose their heart/soul, we should be compassionate enough to support rather than run away from them/avoid them.
10. Sometimes the people you never expected to “be there” are there in ways that provide healing and a sense of relief. They listen more than they talk, they call, they check in with you….
11. [In relation to claiming the status of “friend”] Asking people what they need is so much better than assuming you know what they need. It might even preserve/strengthen a friendship
12. Sometimes people ignore you in the name of “I didn’t know what to do/say,” which leads to an increase in your feelings of isolation.
13. Sometimes forgiving those who add to your pain (knowingly or unknowingly) is frustrating and difficult.
14. God provides others when some neglect you and say they “thought” they needed to give you space. What!?
15. Every smiling face is not happy…. When you take time to look beyond the surface, sometimes you’ll discover the pain of a soul that is crying. Be kind. Be gentle.
16. God can handle expressed anger and doubt and will love us anyway.
17. Faith = holding on when everything in you has quit, given up.
18. People say a lot when they are silent and sometimes the silence is just plain loud!
19. Presence truly is a gift – just being there goes a long way. Nuff said. (I know I said that already, but it’s worth repeating). 🙂
20. Scars are evidence that not only have we been hurt, but that we have been healed. But when the wound is still fresh and open, gentleness is appropriate.
I am pretty sure that the list is not complete, I am continually learning…. What would you add to this list?